Immature Poets learn about Proper Bus Etiquette

In the big cities, and in some smaller cities, people ride buses. But bus rides can be tedious affairs, what with their driving and sitting and not doing anything. That’s why I have come up with these simple rules for bus riders so that everyone can be as entertained as possible. Now it is your job to give a little back and follow these rules.

Rule #1 – Talk loudly on your cell phone

While no one ever really likes someone who talks loudly on their cell phone, the bus is an exception. We’re bored and forgot out books… so go ahead and chat loudly so we can casually eavesdrop on you. If your normal cell phone volume is a five, crank that voice up to a seven or an eight. The people in the back need to be able to hear you over the engine. Do your part.

Rule # 2 – Discuss that jerk Bob from down the hall

Listen, we all know Bob, he’s kind of a tool. But we like to hear stories about Bob. Maybe he kept trying to look down your top, or kept inviting you to a fun game of ultimate, or keeps talking about how great Howie Do It is. The key is find something to complain about. Even if he did your work for you and then just sent you home early, complain. Soon the whole bus will be behind you in support.

Rule # 3 - Share your embarrassing secrets

Vicki gave you syphilis. You got caught picking your nose. You farted during class. Your roommate walked in on you with a hedgehog and a bottle of Vaseline. These are all things that cannot wait for you to get off the bus. Even if you are on the phone, you must save all secrets for the bus ride. (See rule #1 for how to share them.) Share them then, trust us, we won’t tell.

Rule # 4 – Listen to bad music

This is key if you don’t know Bob or have divulged all of your secrets and your cell phone has died. Play music loudly enough that we all can enjoy the stylings of Katy Perry, Black Eyed Peas, or Cold Play. The more terrible the better, because soon it will be stuck in our heads and we’ll be entertained for days, whether we like it or not.

So follow these simple rules and together we can all enjoy our bus rides a little more.